All You Need

I’m not much of a blogger, but when I get these flashes of reality checks I usually like to jot down my thoughts. I highly suggest writing. It’s a great outlet to process the way you think. Today I had a processing moment that left me crying laughing and just reflecting on how self-absorbed I can be sometimes in all areas of life. Lets be honest…we all are.

I find the holidays way too over-rated. It’s really a big set up for disappointment or wait… maybe I’m wrong and its actually a picture perfect time where you can go back to work and say you had such an amazing holiday. As for myself, I do what I can to be as positive as possible, but sometimes its ok to get real and admit that things actually just suck! However, It’s all in your attitude and how you value your time during the holiday season. This year my attitude has been horrible! I’ve mentally blocked out Thanksgiving and Christmas. I signed up to work Thanksgiving Day and honestly it wouldn’t bother me to even work Christmas Day. I say this because it will be the first year I will spend without my sister due to the fact that a plane ticket from California to Nashville is just not feasible at this time for her. Lets think about your situation. What do the holidays make you think about? Does it re-visit memories that you typically try cover up throughout the year? It can be a hurtful time, because it is a time for family and a reminder of what is missing in your life.

I shouldn’t be associating church and the bar scene, but let’s get real. I’m single and in my mid 20’s. Where else am I going to be social and hang out with friends? The bars are not as bad as people bring it out to be. I like it because it’s a place where other people can’t judge me for not having the picture perfect life that society seems to have built up this life to be. No, I’m not at home having movie night and cooking dinner for my husband or putting my kids to bed like some of my best friends facebook status’s say. I’m actually happy in my rock star dancing land with my glow sticks and silly awesome friends. My approach: You’re only young for so long! But, then there’s this other life I seem to block out. It’s a more fulfilling life I’ve always wanted and it’s just how I grew up. Today it was raining, so I had to walk through the Sunday School building for the pre-schoolers and children in order to get to the main sanctuary. Going down the halls I saw all the cute sweater vests church attire on all the little boys, little kid umbrellas, miniature Bibles, smiles, laughter, parents swinging their kids around. It was an such an alive environment full of this love that brings me to that place where I feel so inadequate. It’s the same empty feeling I get around the holidays.

Here’s the kick. The sermon was based on how to pray. What do you pray for? New job? Peace with Marital problems? Financial situations? This is where we get all wrong. We always pray for the things that we DON’T HAVE. God I want this kind of life. Why haven’t you given me these things? When will you ever listen to me? Isn’t all this a parallel to the holidays? We typically think about what we don’t have. I want this or I want that for Christmas. It’s the ME season!  

I am reminded of the song “By Your Side” by 10^th Avenue North. This particular chorus says:

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run

The word love isn’t necessarily interpreted as a romantic love. It can be defined in all the things you might find fulfilling in your life. It can be where most of your thoughts and desires are. These are all things that are self indulging addictions. What do you think about most of the day? Where are all your thoughts and energy focused on? This is exactly where I had my ‘processing’ moment. God already has everything you need right here. All the people that are in your life right now are wonderfully perfected, designed and placed at this point in your life for a reason. Lets start with the basic needs that are currently provided for us: We have a roof over our heads, more than enough food, a paycheck that somehow pays the bills, gas, grocery’s, etc. Its human nature to be self-absorbed for survival purposes. However, there’s something much more bigger than us that we tend to ignore with our shallow lives. It’s written out for us everyday. We are just too focused on ourselves to see it. I couldn’t help but to think about all the people in my life currently. As for myself, I may have a small family and even though most of my friends are moved away and married, I am content in that I know God has given me everything I need to fulfill his purpose whether its small or large in numbers.

After church my mom and dad came back to my apartment. I insisted I show them the youtube video of the farting preacher! We watched all episodes and my mom had mascara running down her face before it was all over. We were all crying laughing! I gave my dad a big hug for his 62^nd birthday and equally gave my mother a hug while knowing that earlier this year considering the events of her health… she is here and healthy again. I locked the door and looked out my peep hole and they were making weird faces on the other side of the peep hole. In that moment I knew I was truly thankful for all that is surrounding me in my life even though its not this huge family sitting around the Thanksgiving table with an elaborate meal. I am content in knowing I will be spending Thanksgiving at my little nursing home with people who might not have any family at all. I am honored to be their family for that day. So, with that said…

Let’s focus and give thanks on the things we have and not on the things we don’t have. God will always have everything you need. 

Philippians 4:19

But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

   

Its your time butterfly!

Some of the most simple stories that we learn in grade school come from the things surrounding us. All we have to do is look around and a story unfolds. This is one way that I understand God better. As for myself, I am a visual learner. I love how people catch me in deep stares and usually its because I'm just going to escape land and processing the day. I call it my God time and I always do it outside finding beauty in nearly everything that can easily be ignored with our busy schedules.

I find spring time in Tennessee to be an allergy nightmare but also a colorful paradise that nearly everything outdoors puts on their best display. Its an outdoor fashion show. I always love it when the bradford pears bloom because everything looks snow covered and it really looks like something out of a wedding in a fairy tale. Yes, I just said that. So far the red buds, maples, and tulips are putting on their show but like all the others they shine for a little bit and then they won't put on their best until next year.

My personal favorite is the monarch butterfly. Monarch's go through 4 stages during one life cycle: the egg, larvae (caterpillar), the pupa, and then the adult butterfly. Then they start all over again with a new generation. In early spring they come out of hibernation and find a mate so they can travel all the way back up to the north and east to lay their eggs for the next generation. They typically just enjoy their short life for 2-6 weeks. And there's your 3rd grade science lesson.

I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my mom yesterday at the lake. We packed up our lunches and headed out to enjoy the beautiful spring day. It was much needed for us. The past couple of months has been filled with confusion and heartache. I think everybody in my family has had a personal struggle that is in itself is enough stress to handle. Just a few weeks ago my mother, who has always never been the one to complain of body aches or problems, was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was really hard to process at first because things like that just don't happen to you or your family, especially since my sister just moved out to California.  Why my mom? She never complained like the rest of us. Overall, my 'minor' struggles are now nothing compared to dealing with a life-changing diagnosis that has been targeted towards my mom. On my hour commute to work I really am that crazy person people see talking to themselves without a bluetooth. Not that I would talk on a bluetooth. Seriously though, there are times that I don't even listen to music. I just drive in silence and talk to God. 

The lake trip brought about a conversation about all the pretty trees and flowers in bloom. Of course, I put my theology hat on and explained how I thought God uses his creation to tell us a story. Simple enough, but the spring time is a perfect example. Things bloom, beautiful creatures emerge but its just for a very short time. My dad, who is a Nat Geo pioneer, explained to me last night that because of the tilt of the earth and the position of the sun we experience wind, fronts, seasons, etc. Unfortunately, things aren't constant. They are always changing and bringing about uncertainty within the world we live in.

I interpret this as what was said in Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8- To everything There is A Season, and a time to every purpose under heaven

Admist all the confusion with my mom's diagnosis I thought out-loud and believed that maybe in this life we do all have shining moments but they really are short lived. I used the butterfly as an example. They experience an awkward phase of a 'worm' unattractive and isolated. In short, they are simply underdeveloped. All of sudden seasons changed and then they struggle out of their cocoon to push the fluid out of their bodies to form these emaculate wings. They then turn into these magestic and elegant creatures. It was figurative thought but we go through experiences in life that we never know if we are going to get out of. Whether it's a job you can't stand, a block in the road that seems to get in the way of your goals, a broken relationship, or whatever. Faith and hope is really all you have until its your time and your season. I know its going to be a struggle for my mom but she will get out of this and God will provide a season for her shine when its all said and done!

Ironically, we were sitting at the edge of the lake reading our books and a beautiful black & blue speckled monarch butterfly came to greet us. I love it when God puts the period at the end of the sentence.

In preparation

Back to Nashville! Its cold, snowy, overcast, and basically depressing. What is this, Seattle? But then again I forgot it was winter and it sure did hit me once I hit southern Georgia when I got out of the car to pump gas on the way back from Tampa. Well, shucks! Goodbye beautiful sunshine and ocean scenery.  A few weeks at home and my sister called me out on it. She said, “Alright Laura! Ever since you have got back to Nashville all you do is complain.” I do love this city, but I got spoiled and I’m all about the view. So, time to suck it up. The fun is over and its time to focus on this board exam. I have an option of getting a job and studying for month. Its really torturous figuring out all this stuff! I caught myself pacing up and down the hall for no reason. Basically, I have lacked more motivation to study and stay focused than I ever have. Last night I put the fear of God in me and read through a few scriptures on strength, boldness, and faith. Then I asked God to really give me the persistence and self-discipline to stay in tune to finish out this last stretch. Its like a marathon really, I’m just exhausted with school. 

Day 1 after my pep talk. I decided to start off the day shooting some hoops. It’s like therapy for me. Well, I walk into the gym and I noticed a wild shooter. Usually, at a recreation center there are a few ‘White Chocolates”. If you haven’t seen the movie Along Came Polly then basically you better just sit in the corner in tornado position. But this guy, well I was in for a treat! I decided to shoot on the other end to avoid the madness but he immediately came to my end. I thought-here we go.

The young man was developmentally delayed and had a form of mental retardation. It was clear. Most people are uncomfortable being around people with disabilities. That’s because anything that is out of the ‘norm’ and unpredictable should be avoided. I’m so glad I chose a career path in this field, because it really gets you out of your comfort zone and they really teach us more than we can teach them. It was great! He kept the hi-fives coming nearly after every shot. We rebounded for each other and he screamed and got so excited every time I made a shot or he made one. I love basketball but this just added more excitement to the game. He was a little disappointed when I left, but he managed to find some more people to shoot with.

A group of kids about 7-10yrs old were on the sidelines playing while I was shooting.  I heard a huge bang and then noticed the kids trying to lift up a backboard that fell from the wall to the ground. Nobody was really watching them, so I intervened and asked them to just let someone who worked there to take care of it. I smiled and said “Yall don’t need to get hurt now!” Man, how did I get so old so fast and when did I become a chaperone? A little girl from the group approached me and asked me if I played for Belmont since I had the shirt on. I said, “I used to hun. It's been a few years though.” Just another reason for me to feel old! She then followed me later to the water fountain and I said, “What a pretty shirt you have on. Did you get that for Christmas?” She said, “No, but I wish dad could have been there for Christmas. He’s in jail.”  I really didn’t know what to say but that I hope she had a good rest of the day.

I immediately thought why isn’t someone working with these kids that I ran into today? Why aren’t we more involved with kids and young people! They really need discipline and people to talk to and of course, shoot hoops with.

I wasn’t prepared for what God threw at me today but it really made me realize how much I want to work with kids and this alone gave me my ability to go to the library and get some good study time in! I love how the little things can inspire us and give us the motivation for the day. This alone gave me a second wind. Maybe a perfect scenery isn't really what you need to get you fired up for the day. I'm so glad I’m back home and let the studying begin!